It hurts
by ladyzydrate
Summary: He's looking at her. Again. All black hair and grey eyes, all broad shoulders and wild appearance. He's wearing that leather jacket she likes. She likes it so much that when he's too close, the smell of leather, cigarettes and his own fresh smell, it hurts. It hurts that he never looks at her, not the way she'd like him to. Blackinnon, Marauders Era
1. Chapter 1

He's looking at her. Again. All black hair and grey eyes, all broad shoulders and wild appearance.

He's wearing that leather jacket she likes. She likes it so much that when he's too close, the smell of leather, cigarettes and his own fresh smell, it hurts. It hurts that he never looks at her, not the way she'd like.

He smiles, and she feels it, feels the shiver running down her spine to her feet in a crazy race, and, even thought she doesn't want to, she returns that smile to him.

He starts to walk then. He walks without saying anything to his friends, and just stands there, in front of her. She has to look up to see his face. His lips. His eyes. _Oh, those eyes_.

He's so tall, and she suddenly feels so terribly small and so terribly like jelly. He smiles again, and her brain freezes, and her heart pounds so hard.

He's staring down at her, smirk still on his face. _When's not in his face, that smirk?_ And she realizes there's a hand in front of her and she takes it, quick, naive, she takes that hand into hers with a gasp and a loud sigh, feeling as if that hand was her only support, practically falling above him.

"I told you I could make you feel like those little girls you are always complaining about, McKinnon." He says, so close to her ear she can feel another shiver coming. And she takes a breath and releases his hand from his tight grasp. She's weak. _I'm weak_. And she hates it.

He then laughs and she frowns, crossing her arms tight and looking elsewhere but him. Anywhere but those grey eyes.

She turns around and founds Lily, Mary and Dorcas talking with Alice, totally unaware of the scene she just had with Sirius back there, in front of all the people who's by the lake near their position. She sits there, breathing normally again, and smiling sweetly to her friends, laughing when needed.

Sirius is back with Prongs, Moony and Wormtail again. He's all black hair and grey eyes, all broad shoulders and a wild appearance. And he's still looking at her, smirk on his face, and she feels it. Again.

* * *

Her face is red with anger. Lily laughs and Dorcas keeps reading. Mary's out with Alice for their prefect round, so Marlene has to tell someone about her little scene earlier at the black lake and Lily's her target.

"But Marls, he's Black!" And laughs again. "He's just a prat! And he was just using one of those tricks of him, so don't worry." But she does worry, and so does Lily. And so does Dorcas, reading all silence and peace.

"He told me I'd feel like one of those little princesses who are always sobbing before him, who melt for him" Marlene hides her face with her pillow and keeps the fake-sobbing.

"And you did well, Marlene, you did not melt." Lily sounds proud, but Marlene breaks that feeling the redhead had and closes her eyes, feeling guilt through her. "You did melt for him, didn't you?" And the laugh appears again. Marlene storms off the dorms and down the Common Room, and she found Sirius there, sleeping in the red sofa.

She feels that shiver again. _Why? Why now?_ Sirius and she were kind of... enemies, since, well, ever. Marlene had known James since they were kids, and Sirius was in the pack with James since they were eleven.

They had fought so many times she had lost count. And she loves fighting with him, and she knows he does love it to, no need to ask. But it's been a long time since Marlene realized Sirius was actually very attractive.

And it all started when he asked her why she didn't want to snog with him, in their fifth year. She said he wasn't her type. _Liar, liar_. And that she wasn't that stupid. _Pants on fire_.

And now this is Marlene, willing to snog with him, to melt before those eyes and those lips. That wild appearance that killed her, right through her crazy-like pounding heart.

And Sirius is awake. Looking at her, while she's just sitting on the floor, thinking. She then notices his eyes on her and she blushes. He just smirks, _bloody smirk_s, and gets up from the sofa to the floor, his head now resting on her lap, on her crossing legs. She stays quiet as if someone had charmed a _petrificus totallus_ over her.

"I can't sleep." He says, closing his eyes. And she shivers and closes hers, gently stroking his hair and breathing slowly, trying to concentrate.

"Me neither." Said Marlene, and drifted off to Morpheus arms like a child. With Sirius Black already sleeping with his head on her lap.

* * *

**N/A: So here's my first attempt to an english... something. First of all, sorry if there are mistakes, but I'm human, and english (sadly) it's not my first language, so, yeah, sorry guys. I've been stuck with Blackinnon lately, and I had to do something about it. I know I have another story to update, but I'm editing it so it fits, because I lost it a bit with a pc problem. Anyway, with the story, it will be more. Maybe a second chapter, and maybe a third, but that's it, because I wanted to do one chapter with a few drabbles, but I had no time to continue, so I'll leave it here for now. So here it goes, guys. Review, and you'll see what comes next with these two! You want more? (:**


	2. Siriusly

Marlene was having a weird dream, a weird as in _what-the-actual-hell-does-this-mean _dream. She was walking throught the Forbidden Forest, alone and barefoot, with a red dress, a beautiful red dress that moved with the cold breeze, and the trees were as tall as usual, but the light coming throught them was not dark and full of fog, it was a bright white light. Simple, strong, and yet so disturbing. It was as If someone had turn on the lights out here, as If it was just a giant white room with giant trees and a giant wolf in front of her.

Wait, _wolf_.

She stopped, dead in her tracks, and her senses, her _i'm-not-dreaming _senses, told her that she should run away from that beast, that she should be scared. But dream Marlene seemed to be out of her mind, because she just approached the black wolf until she was just two steps to pat his big head with her bare hand. And she did touch the wolf's head.

_It's not a wolf_, she thought, suddenly.

Suddenly, the lights went out, all that bright, disturbing light was now a black hole in her mind, where she could only see her dream self, like in a muggle movie, as If Marlene was the public and her dream self was in a scene to be watched. The lights went on again, but the now non-wolf was not there anymore, and it was not white light that came through the trees, it was the normal lights of the Forbidden Forest, the dark, dim lights of the night, the moon through the trees, and the fog reaching her knees.

_Marlene_.

The bark returned Marlene's dream self to her senses, and she quickly turned around, her red dress projecting sweet red lights on the ground beneath her feet. Again, she had her dream self point of view. She saw the enormous dog looking at her, breathing slowly, so calm she started to get scared. A bark that sounded so like her name, in a voice that she recognized, but for some reason could not place it's owner. _Not yet_. She closed her eyes and felt the dog moving towards her, heard the sound his paws made, but then it was not paws, but human feet. She heard the rustle of the leaves, crushing under the now human form walking towards her. Again that bark, but this time it didn't sound as a bark, it sounded as a voice, a deep, familiar voice. She opened her eyes and gasped.

xxx

Sirius looked at the moon through the open window. In the bed right to his, James slept deeply, with sheets sprawled all over the bed but not over him, his legs a tangled mess and his arms above his head. Remus, on the other hand, slept peacefully in the bed right to his left, his sheets neatly pulled over his chin, and his breathing barely audible. How someone who can be so dangerous can be so peaceful while sleeping, Sirius will never know. He could hear Peter's snores coming from the bed right next to James, and he smiled, his cigarette still between his lips. He took another drag of it and threw it off the window, thinking of his bed, who for sure was missing him. He just knew.

Sleeping was now something he found terribly difficult. How can you sleep when there's people dying and dark forces being more powerful than ever out there? He sighed and got into bed after closing the window and making a quick spell so the cigarett smell would dissapear. He didn't even pull the covers over him, he just lay there, arms under his head, eyes open and a small frown on his handsome face, the memories of past unfortunate moments attacking him like daggers; his mother yelling at him for being a lion, for being brave. For not being a Slytherin, like all his family had been. His brother, Regulus, who had been his shadow for a few years, but who was now a totally different person, who Sirius did not recognized anymore. His father, who's disappointment was visible in the air when they were in the same room. Lucky him he moved out from that shit that was his home for fifteen years.

Lucky him he lived with the Potters, now, almost two years later. Lucky him he got James, Remus and Peter. And now it was Lily, Dorcas, Mary, Frank, Alice and... well, he guessed Marlene was in his life now, too. She had been in his life for a long time, actually, since she was like a sister for James and they were friends since... well, forever. Which he was totally not _jealous _about_._

Things had changed between McKinnon and him. They still argued about the stupidest things, just because they loved to argue with each other, but they would also sit together in class sometimes, or go for a walk when it had just rained. He had realized he liked Marlene, but not as he liked Lily, his future best mate's bride -who still was in denial, but he had really high hopes about those two and about Lily opening her heart before the year ended-, or as Frank, who was funny and great to talk to. He liked Marlene in the worst of ways; he simply liked her, and he was scared as fuck.

Her stupid dark hair, her goddamned big brown eyes, and her lips, _Merlin's fucking beard, _her lips. Her smile when he said something funny and she didn't want to laugh, her eyes looking at him across the room, her hands touching her hair, or her exposed neck when she's studying (_thank you, ponytails_)...

_ Totally screwed._

But among all the things he liked about Marlene, the one that he liked the most was when they were alone, at night, and she would just be there for him, for the silence. There was no tension then, it was just the two of them, alone, and the night hiding them from the usual fights and glares.

He growled and got up, a hand running through his long ºblack hair and a frown still making his handsome features strange in the moonlight.

xxx

There was no fire illuminating the Common Room that night, and Marlene had just sit right there, in front of it, in silence. She had been there for an hour or so, and she couldn't find that moment in which her eyes would just start to close and her mind would wander off to another places, like dreams.

_ Dreams_.

She closed her eyes, frowning and thinking that she should leave, that it was nothing. That she just thought he was like that, like a big scary dog, but soft to her touch. The dream reminded of him, and that was it. Right? She sighed and opened her eyes. Just when she wanted to make a move and leave, she heard the footsteps, and she kept quiet right on her spot, her legs crossed and her hands not leaving her lap, where they had been resting for almost half an hour now.

She felt the presence beside her, the familiar smell of cigaretts and leather, and something his. She fought back a smile and moved her legs so she could rest her chin on them, closing her eyes again. He said nothing.

She wanted to tell him, she wanted to say something. But just his presence, his arm against hers and his eyes looking at her -she could feel them all over, making her a bit nervous-, was enough. She didn't thought he would talk, tho.

"Marlene" he said, his voice deep, like a growl but whispered, and she opened her eyes, turning her head so she could look at him. His eyes were looking different at her, and her heart jumped in her chest so hard she swears she thought she might die right there.

_ It hurts._

"I was dreaming about you" she whispered, and she could feel her voice tremble a bit.

He did not respond with something sarcastic to that, but it would have been something inevitable if Marlene McKinnon was not beside him with a look in her eyes that made him feel guilty. Why he did feel that way, he did not know. _Not yet_. He waited for her to continue.

"I was in the Forbidden Forest, wearing a red dress. And everything was bright, white, as if someone had just turn on the lights on a big white room and it was just a charade, you know? It was disturbing" she let out a soft laugh and looked away from him. "Then I saw the wolf. But when I touched his head, I realized it was not a wolf" she looked at him again. "but a dog. A big black dog" she waited for him to say something, but nothing came from his mouth, and his eyes changed, she saw that spark of understanding, so she kept going. "The lights went out, and when they went on again, it was the Forbidden Forest again, but this time, the usual forest. Dark and foggy. Disturbing and silent. The dog was not there. But I heard a bark... but it sounded different, it was my name the dog called, but strong, confident, in a familiar way. I turned around and saw the dog again, and I closed my eyes... scared. At first I heard the paws on the ground, but then it was human feet, leaves crushing under them. And I heard a voice calling my name" she looked at him again. "Your voice". She said this looking at him, but he was looking at the floor beside them, a mixture of emotions passing through his face, just illuminated by the moonlight coming from the windows.

_ Your voice._

He said nothing. He wasn't sure about what was he supposed to say. He could not tell her his secret. _Their secret_. Even Lily didn't know it yet, James hadn't told the love of his life their secret. But it was _his _secret after all. He didn't have to tell her the whole story, just his. His story. He trusted this women, he sort of knew her, and he wanted to share this with her. He knew she knew something, and she was Marlene and she had talked so much he could not believe his ears. Hell, he could not believe the pounding in his chest, hard and quick.

"Marlene, I... " Sirius Orion Black didn't know what to say. And she knew, because she laughed softly. He looked at her and kept his eyes there, grey to dark brown, in silence. Like it has been since that first day they could not sleep, months ago.

She smiled, and Sirius knew she felt it. He knew she could feel the tension they had built disappear, he knew she just wanted to understand, to knew him. The real him.

"It doesn't matter" she said, breaking the silence. "I don't care. You don't need to tell me" she was still smiling, but he still felt guilty.

"It does" he said, still looking at her. "You do". And that was when her smile broke and she just stared at him, who knows for how long.

Suddenly, her head was resting on the crook of his neck, and his arms were around her, clumsily. But once he realized she needed this, his arms were strong, protective, and he was not hugging her awkwardly, he was holding Marlene to his chest and his right hand was stroking her hair. He realized he needed to tell her.

xxx

Marlene lay on the grass, the spring breeze moving her hair and the sun touching her pale skin like a burning tongue. She was enjoying the moment of light, the strange day that opened up through the clouds and previous day's rain. Mary was braiding her hair sitting near Marlene on the grass, while Lily and Dorcas practiced some spells with Remus.

James was talking to Frank and Peter, and Alice was resting against a tree beside them, hiding from the sun. Sirius was beside Marlene, his right hand playing with the grass under them, and his left hand over his eyes, covering the sun.

Marlene could hear the laughs from the girls, James voice raising a bit higher when he was too dramatic, and Alice telling him to stop yelling. But she was more concentrated on Sirius beside her, on his hand so close to hers that the feeling of proximity tingled on her skin. She felt the need to touch his hand, to feel him, but she didn't make a move. They both haven't made any move after that night, three weeks ago, when Sirius told her the truth.

The group of course realized the change, the fights being less of fights and more of discussions, and the glares being understanding looks instead of killer looks. Of course, Remus had asked Sirius about this change, and he told him the truth, too, after a few excuses and "_No, nothing's happened between Mc-Perfect-Kinnon and I, Moony_". Remus understood, because he also thought that after that dream Marlene had, he needed to tell her. Remus understood Sirius had much more left to say to Marlene McKinnon, too, but he didn't tell him that, he wanted to wait, to see if he was capable of discovering this by himself.

Marlene's hand felt warmer, and she sighed, content. Her eyes opened when she noticed it was Sirius fingers now caressing her wrist. She closed her eyes again and let him caress her skin, a chill running through her body every now and then.

She did not know Sirius was smiling. She did not know Lily was smiling too, while Dorcas was occupied by Remus and his lessons. She did not know James saw what Lily was smiling to.

James had never felt so weird towards Sirius. He was different, his sarcastic comments and his attitude changing as the weeks went by. He loved his best mate, his brother. He loved him all the same, but it felt weird. He knew it was because of Marlene, and he was scared as fuck.

Her little Marlene, the little girl that had been with him since forever, the one who thought that babies were made like cakes, and their friendship would never die. He did thought that too. So if Sirius wanted something with Marlene -and he did, James just knew-, and Marlene wanted something with him, he'll just let them, because he would do anything to see them happy. He looked at Lily again, who was now again practicing with Remus.

A content sigh escaped his lips, distracted by the light her red hair showed, distracted by her smile and her green eyes sparkling with laughter and happiness. He wanted to be part of that, he wanted to be the one who made her happy. He did not know Lily was starting to want that, too.

xxx

She walked through the corridors, missing her tunic tightly wrapped around her, feeling cold. Why did she left the Commom Room that night, was still a mystery. She needed to walk, she needed to think. But once she arrived to the girl's bathroom, she swears she just felt bad, she felt the pounding of her heart turn into quick punches to her ribcage, and she just felt the need to go. She walked through the shadows, avoiding any prefect that could've showed up at any moment, being cautious.

When she arrived to the seventh floor, she said the password and entered the Common Room in silence, with her bed still in mind. But a hand grab hers when she had her right foot on the first step of stairs.

She looked at him, an amused smile playing in his lips, and his eyes bright in the shadows he had been hiding in. She sighed and took back a step, facing him. He smile a bit more and lift his head a bit as a salute.

She rolled her eyes but kept a smile on her lips, approaching him and motioning towards the fireplace with her head, telling him this way that they should be there.

She was cold. He could tell. So he got up and walked with her to the fireplace, where they sit in silence. He sighed when he felt her shiver against his left arm, and he grabbed her waist.

Before she could protest, Marlene was between Sirius now sprawled legs, his arms wrapped around her chest and his head resting on hers. She opened her mouth to say something, to protest, but she could only find a content sigh that made her feel the warm and the happiness.

"What were you doing outside?"

"None of your buisness, Black"

"None of my-... Really, Marlene?"

"_Siriusly_"

The last one came as a mock, and when she felt his chest vibrating with laughter against her back, she laughed too, and moved her head to his shoulder so she could look at him, a smile on her lips. He was still laughing a bit.

"I invented that joke, just so you know" he said, matter of factly.

"Of course" she replied, rolling her eyes.

"No, _Siriusly_, James once told me I was being a terrible human being, he even told me I had my man period, which I don't even want to know about, and he started to make this jokes, terrible jokes, I'm telling you. But then this one just came up and I just..." Marlene could not listen to Sirius. He was talking, more than usual. And about his life, nonetheless. They would usually sit there in silence, holding each other, or just sitting shoulder to shoulder, but lately they've found comfort on the closeness, and the feeling of skin to skin. She was looking at him, his eyes sparkling with memories, good memories, and his lips moving fast and so tempting. She didn't feel her own tongue licking her lips and her teeth biting her lip, preventing her from doing something stupid.

_ But then again, both Sirius and Marlene did the stupidest things together now._

Sirius had finished his story, not because he wanted to, but because Marlene's lips were on his, and her hand had crept from his hand on her chest up until it had reached his cheek, stroking it softly with her fingers. He closed his eyes and his hands reached for her waist so he could lift her up on his lap, turning her around, facing him. She tangled her hands on his goddamned precious black hair, and her legs crossed behind his back.

He could feel her everywhere, her hands on his hair, her lips on his, her legs making them much more close -if that was even possible-, and the warmest of feelings spread out on his chest like butter. He had not feel those things before, with anyone. It was him who chose the girl, it was him who cherised them, who made them feel special for a day or two, who kissed them and made them scream his name with a smile tugging at his lips with arrogance while it happened.

It was Marlene; the one who screamed his name with rage, who threw shoes at him for entering James room when she was changing, who looked at him from across the room with fire in her eyes, who touched his hair when they were in silence in the Common Room. It was her who kissed him, who made him feel that new feeling he thought he could just feel for James, Remus and Peter. For his family.

He opened his eyes and wait for her to do so too, her cheeks flushed with red and her lips swollen. She looked at him and opened her mouth.

"I'm sorr-"

He did not need to hear that stupid apology, he needed her. His kiss turned from soft to passionate in seconds, and her tongue made him growl deep on his throat when she licked his bottom lip with it. He wasn't even the one who started with the tongue battle, for _Merlin's fuck sakes_. He always was the one who started or stopped things. But this? This he didn't want it to end.

They kissed until he could feel her warm body slowly melting against him, her hands slower and her lips lazy. He bit her bottom lip and she groaned in response, looking at him with tired eyes. He sighed and with no difficulty, got up, still carrying her in his arms.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her nose against the crook of it, and her lips whispering things, dreamy things. He laughed when he heard the word "_siriusly_" again, promising her he would tell her the whole story. He was about to take the first step to the girl's room stairs when he remembered he couldn't do it.

"Hey, McKinnon" he caressed her cheek with his nose, and she looked at him, a bit sleepy. "I know you must be dizzy as fuck because of what happened back there, but do you mind If you continue alone? I can't go up there even if I do want to, which I do, really. You know, stairs not being stairs if a guy touches them and shit". She rolled her eyes, he was such a _gentleman_ with that vocabulary, _so rich_. But she guessed she liked him, even with his "fuck", "shit", "Merlin's fucking beard" and "where the fuck are my fucking cookies".

She put her feet on the ground and sighed, looking at the stairs, then back at Sirius, who was smiling at her, a genuine smile on his face, beautiful and so tempting again she was caught up in the moment like a stupid teenager. She remembered then the hate she felt towards those girls who fell for him with a blink of his eyes or a flick of his hair. She felt weak, but she did not hate it anymore. She was about to told him she did not know if this was good or bad, when he was suddenly kissing her again, this time, sweeter than any other kiss she ever had.

She felt her own hands against his chest, his tongue licking her bottom lick and then biting it, before pulling back and smiling again.

"Goodnight, Marlene"

"G-Goodnight, Sirius" she yawned, covering her now swollen mouth with her hand.

He turned around and went back to the Common Room, and she just went to bed, where she dreamt about his kiss and his hands caressing her skin.

* * *

N/A: Tad-aaa! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, totally new, different point of view, and special for those of you who are reading this story, and kept waiting though I've been totally oblivious to this story until last night, when the inspiration hit me like a rocket. So here you guys go, review, follow... this is starting to take form (:


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